I'm hungry :( I know its only 11am and I'm drinking coffee and wishing I had something to eat. These next two days are going to suck, and of course I have to go grocery shopping today. Nothing like being on clears and going food shopping. Then I again I dont have anything for me to even have, minus broth, which I'm saving for when I get really desperate. I need to go get some SF juice and all that jazz.
I'm really starting to freak a little. I know the surgery is simple but the fear is still there, as well as the anxiety. I know this is all for the best for me but I cant help but sit here and ask myself how I let myself get this bad. Why couldnt I do this on my own? Why did I let myself get this fat?
And of course the fears of me not losing weight are already setting in and scaring me. What if I STILL cant do this, even if I do everything right? What happens if I do lose weight but I become so obsessed that even after I hit goal I dont stop? I guess part of me almost wishes that. I know how retarded it sounds.
I need to get working with my therapist soon. You think this would be an easy process. Your fat, you lose weight, your amazing. Yeah, I wish.
It is normal to be a little scared, it is a life-changing event! But, I am sure you WILL be happy when you start losing the weight. Don't feel bad that you can't do it on your own, a lot of us can't! I am happy to admit I need some help! Lord knows we have all TRIED, right?? We spend our whole life trying, we aren't fat for lack of trying, we are fat because that is how our bodies were made, and we do not want to be like that anymore.
ReplyDeleteI know, it's tough not being able to eat food when you are hungry. I can't wait until we get the bands, and we are past all the postop stuff and get to eat normal food again. I can't wait to eat a normal meal and feel full after 10 bites (or however many it takes). That is all I wanted my whole life!
What you are feeling and thinking is something that many of us go through - it's the norm. The band is a tool to help us meet a goal and you need to know that you are going to have good days and bad days. You are going to achieve successes and hit plateaus. You are going to have to deal with people who offer support and others who are going to make you doubt yourself. This comes with the territory. More than anything you need to know that you are in charge of you and the band is going to help you control your hunger so that you can meet your goals. We have all asked ourselves how did we get here, we have all tried to lose the weight other ways, and have all wondered why couldn't we do this on our own. I'm not so sure the answer matters anymore because we have all decided to get the help we need. Be nervous, be excited, but most importantly be proud of your choice to take control of your life. No regrets and no worries.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great on the liquids (I keep telling you guys this because it will be me in a couple weeks). Just focus on the positive. You are already losing weight. Picture yourself one year from now. What will you wear? How will you feel? You are doing awesome and your feelings are normal and understandable.
ReplyDeleteI'd tell you it's normal... but you already know that. :) I wish it was as easy as loosing weight... but I guess we knew it'd be a bit of a battle when we started it.
ReplyDeleteOooh what were we thinking!
You can loose weight though. You've already started! Just breathe. One day at a time. If you cheat, don't beat yourself up, just start the next day as if you had done nothing wrong.
(I'm Ses on lapband forum)
Well it's Monday night here so you should be getting ready to go into the hospital soon...I'll be thinking of you and praying for a really speedy recovery. Can't wait to hear from you again once your big journey has started!
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