Stressed

My daughters first holy communion was yesterday. She looked beautiful and did so well, I was very proud. The party was a pretty good success, minus some drama from my SIL, and the food was delicious.

I just wish I would have been able to get rid of all of it. We have almost a half a pound of ziti left, and my favorite, pasta salad. Of course my MIL made like 8 dozen cookies, which, I have eaten about a dozen today. Go stress eating!

As soon as this food is gone out of my house, I'm going back to a liquid diet for a few days. I havent lost in weeks, and I'm starting to feel physically horrible again. I dont think I gave myself enough time for my pouch to get used to the fill, and a lot of times when I eat, it hurts. I know I'm not chewing enough and my bites are still too big.

I cant muster up the energy to get to the gym 5 days a week anymore. I want to so badly, I miss my classes, but I think I'm going back into a depression.

My husbands job is teetering by a thread everyday, and I'm so tired of waking up every morning going "So is today the day"? I hate Verizon, I really do. Thanks big CEO for fucking up everyone's lives.

And last and least (I guess), I have terrible baby fever. Seems like everyone around me is pregnant or TTC, and while I am over the moon for all of my friends, I wish I could just stop my birth control and tell my husband, "Lets do this!", but I know that would be the dumbest thing to do. I still need to lose at least 60 more lbs before I consider getting pregnant. Of course with my husband being laid off soon, getting pregnant is not the smartest idea.

I need to put more faith in God. I feel so hopeless anymore. Of course I will play the victim and wonder why every time we get a leg up it gets kicked out from underneath us. I just wish I had more faith.