Well hello beautiful, its been a long time since I've seen you....

HA, don't I wish I was that confident. Maybe soon, but not yet. By beautiful I mean under 200lbs. I'm currently 182lbs (give or take a lb depending on the day). I haven't been under 200 since I was a senior in high school (which I can blame on the weight I gained with my daughter who was born when I was 17)

Anyway, I still need to update on the first few weeks, which since I'm like 5 weeks behind I'll make short and sweet.


The first two weeks were awful, and I don't even think there is an adjective out there that really would describe how bad it was. My breast milk supply was next to none, Thing #4 spent almost all day on the breast and I could feel the life being drained from me. I was only on clear liquids still and most of the time I didn't even want anything. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't thirsty, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so weak and frail I could hardly pull myself off of the couch or even out of bed.


The family that did see me (which consisted mainly of my husband and kids, my in laws, and one of my sisters) were very concerned. I dropped 28lbs within 10 days, awesome right? Not really when you felt like you were on the verge of dying. Sadly, I wish I could say that's me being dramatic but when I went to my 2 week check up my surgeons nurse was pretty concerned about me. My sister had to drive me and wheel me in a wheelchair as I couldn't even stand up without feeling like I would collapse. She told me that I NEEDED to stop breastfeeding, that, (in a few short words) that it was slowly killing me. I felt crushed. I wasn't ready, and neither was Thing #4. I wanted to go until at least a year with him. I needed him as much as he needed me, but I knew if I didn't do what was best for ME there would have been no me for them.


The weaning process went a lot smoother once we found a formula he would accept. He wouldn't even take any of the donor milk I had for him, and thank to the generosity of many sweet mama's I was able to build a small stock of formula to get him through. For me, it was hard. It took 2 weeks for my milk to dry up, and all I wanted to do was put him back on, but I felt myself getting stronger and I knew it was for the best.


Spending 3 weeks on pureed foods was HELL. I mean, how many times can you eat scrambled eggs, pureed tuna, chili, chicken, etc and not want to throw up? By the end of my 3rd week I found myself forgetting to eat, mainly because I couldn't stomach any more puree. I experimented a little with taco meat, string cheese, and softer foods and I seemed to do ok.


At my 2 month appointment I had not gained or lost any weight but Judy (Dr Hamads nurse) said I was still doing wonderfully and I looked amazing. I laughed and said it was a huge change from having to be wheeled in. I told her how exciting it finally was to be able to try clothes on and be EXCITED about it. I was now down to a size 14 jeans from a size 18 and almost in a medium shirt (I say medium because I have loose skin on my arms that I need to tone, and that keeps me from being a true medium). She advanced me to "soft" foods and told me I'll see her again at the end of October, and from there I can finally be back on the "stabilization phase".


I left a lot of the hard times out simply because there are days I still ask myself if I did the right thing, if I made the right choice, but every day gets a little easier and I feel more confident in my decision.


I'm ready to start hitting the gym and tightening and toning. Now, if only I could afford it. I love the gym, its ME time, and I love getting a good sweat in.


And to end this with a NSV (non scale victory) I fit into a size 12 yesterday!! And, hubby is taking me shopping tomorrow for a few new outfits. Oh, did I mention my birthday is in a few weeks? 30 is going to look SO good on me!!!

No one said the road would be smooth and easy...

I am 3 weeks post op from my surgery, and finally starting to feel more human again. While its somewhat still fresh in my head I need to update about how everything went.


My surgery was scheduled for 7:30 am on Aug 1st, which meant I needed to be at the hospital at 5:30am. My mother in law came over to watch Thing #4 as we had dropped Thing #3 off at my dads the night before, and Thing #2 was away with my mom.


I arrived at the hospital ready to take on the world, not knowing what was about to be ahead of me. Emotions started to set in once I realized there was no possible way I was going to be able to give them a damn urine sample, and that until I did my surgery would not take place. Thankfully my doctor heard me and asked if there was any chance I was pregnant. I flat out said, "If there was I'd be in big trouble since my husband and I cannot have any more kids." So, she asked if that was a no and I told her it was, so immediately they had a nurse come in and start my IV and the doc went over a few things with my husband, they shot me up with some anti anxiety meds, and took me immediately away. I panicked slightly as I kissed my husband goodbye, realizing how quickly it was all happening.


I remember staring up into the cold, sterile OR room listening to everyone bustle around me getting me prepped, strapping my arms down and telling me take several deep breaths, and that was it.


Waking up from surgery is not my strong suit, and of course I become so unbelievably nauseated that they had to administer 3 different kinds of anti-nausea meds, and of course the last one made me so tired I was having even more of a harder time. I remember them shoving an ipad in my face showing me my nurse that would be taking care of me when I went upstairs to my room. I grumbled and told them I just wanted to wake up and I wanted my husband.


I didn't get to spend much time with my husband since I was so out of it and wanted to sleep. He made the phone calls to our family letting them know I was ok and trying to rest. He said he wanted to stay but his mom was having such a difficult time with Thing #4 and that he was refusing to eat anything (he was a breastfed only baby, and now his meal was away from him for 3 days). I told him to go home and take care of him, and I'd try to call him later.


I don't remember a whole lot the first night besides pain and being sick to my stomach. I know that I could hardly keep myself awake when they took me for my upper GI the next morning. I felt like I had narcolepsy, I would just pass out at random moments, including when they were having me do the God awful barium swallow. Everything had looked good so they removed my catheter, the IV pain meds, the leg compressions and told me that I would start to feel better and that I needed to start taking fluids by mouth and start walking.


I had many texts, phone calls and facebook messages. I tried to return as many as I could but I still just wanted to rest. My husband said that Thing #4 was doing very poorly and he would not eat anything. He wouldn't take any of the breast milk, formula, water, nothing. I was getting so depressed because I had to sit in the hospital and just pump and dump my milk, all I wanted was for him to bring him down to be with me.


I had some great nurses while I was in the hospital and I am very thankful for that. I felt very taken care of and I really appreciated that. I need to make sure I send a thank you card to them. My one nurse even cleaned out my breast pump stuff after I would pump, she was truly an angel.


Sunday morning the resident came in early and told me everything looked good and that they'd take out my drain and I could go home. Boy that was the WEIRDEST feeling when she pulled that out. I didn't know what to anticipate but THAT was not what I imagined. However I was just glad I didn't have to go home with it. My father in law came to pick me up and I was just so glad to be home.....

Final appointments

Yesterday I met with my PCP for clearance and today I met with Dr Hamad and Melinda the nutritionist.


I had to watch a short slide show/presentation on the bypass surgery and as soon as they started going over the complications I panicked a little. I told Mike that I didn't pay nearly as much attention or focus on complications the first time since they were always so "unlikely". He told me its perfectly healthy to have those fears. I told him I feared the whole "leak" the most. He assured me that Dr Hamad would be extra thorough in making sure I was nice and tight. When she came in she told me the same thing, that they would do several sets of sutures to make sure my stomach and intestines would not have any leaks. Here is to hoping I don't have to deal with that.


She did bring up that there would be a chance I would have a feeding tube (or a "G" tube). I'm still a little blurry on why I would need this but she said I wouldn't be going home with it. And that 95% of cases I wont have to go home with the JP drain either (ew, I'm praying I wont be that damn 5% that does). I feel pretty confident and I know Dr Hamad is a great, compassionate surgeon. She told me she blocked out 2 extra hours so she could be careful and thorough in doing my revision.


And good 'ol Melinda. She's a straight shooter, I like that. I showed her my "food log" (aka I wrote it while I was in the waiting room LOL) and we went over a few things. She said that Im already very well educated and that as long as I stick to my guns I'm going to do tremendous. She asked me what my goal weight was, I almost laughed and said "Honestly, anything under 200lbs is fantastic. But I'd like to be somewhere around 185 since I doubt I could get down to 145lbs, plus, I'd look like I was dead at that weight." She looked at me and goes "I'm very confident that you COULD be 145lbs and be perfectly happy and healthy at that weight." I was honest to God shocked. I haven't been that since I was around my daughters age (12).  I cant even visualize myself that thin. It almost gave me a rush and really made all of this even more exciting to me. She has a lot of confidence in me, and for a straight shooter like her, that actually says a lot.


So, the countdown is on. Sunday I start my clear liquid diet and next Friday I'll be heading in to celebrate yet another "rebirthday" for myself.


Man, I'm like a cat. haha.

You just gotta keep on keepin' on.

I'm a very impatient person, so I can never wait for the phone to ring. I called the insurance about 5 days after the paperwork was submitted to find they denied my claim for the revision surgery. Of course I was crushed and in tears. She read to me over the phone the letter that I would be getting in the mail and I was shocked that they were denying me because my BMI was LESS then a half of a percent under the guidelines. The requirements for bariatric surgery must be a BMI of 35+ and mine was.....


34.66.


Seriously? Less then a half of a percent? That equaled out to be about 2.lbs. Um...I'm a woman, I can gain and lose 2lbs in 20 minutes.


I called Mike up and I asked him if we could fight this and get it approved. He agreed that it was ridiculous and said he'd do what he could and would give me a call back, and not to worry.


Sure enough he called me back later in the day and said he had good news (at this rate I pretty much just fell in love with this man LOL. I love a guy who says he's going to do something then actually does it...sorry hubby LOL). So we worked out the details and he faxed me over the 42,687 scripts I'd need to get the endless amounts of tests I would need to get done. Things to do...


Chest xray and EKG- Simple enough...check.
16 viles of blood-I mean, did you leave anything inside for me....check.
Sleep study-Ugh, with a nursing baby this wasn't going to be easy, but HELLO I didn't know you could do one of these from home, so I did....check
Endoscopy- wow, I got a whole 15 minutes of un interrupted sleep, go me....check.
Pap smear- at 7:45 this morning? Sure why not....check
Nutritionist- Not really sure what we'll chat about much. I've slipped I cant eat without puking, so I'm not sure what you want me to document, my protein shakes?....appointment for Tues 22nd.
PCP clearance- Pretty sure this will be quick and easy...appointment for Mon 21st.


So, good news and bad news. The good news is my heart is still beating, I haven't died from all of the blood loss, apparently I sleep but not as well as they'd like (um..I have 4 kids, I didn't know I had the right to sleep soundly) and not only am I vitamin D deficient but I also have a blood clotting disorder. Tomorrow at 9:40 I have an appointment at Mercy Hospital with a hematologist. I'm pretty sure whatever this "disorder" is has to do with my platelets. To rewind a bit in time I have a disorder called maternal Thrombocytopenia (aka low platelets during pregnancy...platelets help the blood clot). Since I am only 9 months post partum I'm thinking (ok HOPING and PRAYING) that they just haven't completely bounced back yet. Mike said that the worst case is I'll have to give myself blood thinner injections for about a month after surgery. Not a huge fan of stabbing myself but there could be far more worse things so, hey, if that's what I gotta do then that's what I'll do.


At the gyne's appointment today I weighed in at 211. Which means I have lost 7lbs since my last appointment a month ago. As much as I want to think, "Hey, I'm 12lbs away from one-derland", I'm still pretty stressed over it. Clearly starving yourself is not the best way to lose weight. I'm tired, I'm weak and when Ryan nurses I can literally feel him sucking the life out of me. There are days I cant even keep water down, and those my friends, are very...bad...days.


The end is near, I just have to keep telling myself the light is getting brighter each day....

The Road to Normalsville has had many bumps, and now I'm faced with a detour....

I don't know why I let blogging slip away from me, but according to my last entry it was because I had another child, which, at that time, made my small army up to 3....


Lets move forward a little more in time, but also its apparent I have A LOT to catch up on.


Life with my band was pretty much dull after my gall bladder issue. I wasn't working my band and clearly it wasn't working for me. So my weight loss sat at pretty much in the 200's for awhile.


In February of 2013 we found out we would be expecting another child, we were thrilled. My pregnancy was pretty flawless, my weight gain was about 32lbs. I had all of the fluid removed from my band around the 17th week because I was experiencing some pretty bad morning sickness and was afraid of slipping it.

A few weeks before Ryan was born I noticed that my vomiting started increasing more and that I always felt "tight" even though my band was empty. I blamed it on the hormones and the gigantic baby that was inside of me. Ryan was born on October 21, 2013. Another beautiful 9lber. I lost all but a few pounds and was around 221lbs. I knew that I needed to do something to get this off and finally finish what I started 4 years ago...


So fast forward 8 months after he was born (aka June). My vomiting was becoming a "normal" function and for a bandster that clearly is NOT normal. My husband finally looked at me and said "You cannot keep anything done, you NEED to call the doctor." So I finally did. They ordered an Upper GI with barium swallow, and found that my my worst fears had come true....


I slipped my band.


My heart sank in my chest because I knew what this meant. This meant all my hard work over the years was now going down the drain. They would remove the band and I was destined to re gain all of that weight. I asked my surgeons PA if we could put another one back in but he said that's not the norm, and that maybe I should consider the revision surgery to Gastric Bypass.


Gastric Bypass...a surgical bypass operation performed to restrict food intake and reduce absorption of calories and nutrients in the treatment of severe obesity that typically involves reducing the size of the stomach and reconnecting the smaller stomach to bypass the first portion of the small intestine


During the times I researched bariatric surgery I had decided almost right off the bat that bypass was not the route I wanted to go, and now I was faced with that being one of my only options. Mike said I didn't need to decide that day, and I told him I don't make these kind of decisions that quickly, but either way the band needed to come out. I need to feel better.


I didn't take nearly as much time to think as I did when I went through this the first time, but knowing that God had blessed me with two more children that I wanted I knew that I felt a little more comfortable in my decision. I called Mike and asked him to go ahead and submit the revision surgery to the insurance company.


And then we waited....