They always say the 3rd day of quitting something is the hardest, whether it be smoking, drinking, or in my case food. My husband was making breakfast for the kids and it was really hard for me to watch them eat. I just want something other then stupid broth and popsicles.
I told him I wanted to get out of the house for awhile, so we went to Target, where, I had another massive breakdown. We stood in the Easter candy isle and I just cried and said I would never get to eat this ever again, and insisted we moved to another isle. He of course was buying himself bags of candy and chocolate. I know I cant change the way he eats but it just doesnt seem fair.
I cried again at the checkout and told him he didnt understand what this was like going through this. I told him I regretted doing this and all I wanted was something. He kept saying "Once you heal you can have food again", but I would just rather tell myself I'll never eat candy or chocolate again, which is really heartbreaking.
I feel like I've lost my best friend. I'm afraid I'm going to have a psychologial breakdown over food. Its just food....its just food....isnt it?
There is a group meeting next Wednesday which I plan on attending. I also look forward to Monday b/c that is my check up and I should be able to move to phase two liquids. I'll be so happy to drink a protein shake...
I guess on the bright side, I got on the scale today (hoping its even right) and it read 272, which means that makes me 5lbs down from Monday.
Update your ticker :) You can do it, you'll get through this phase and move on to the next and you'll forget all about this part. Like pregnancy, remember all the really horrible, crappy parts? With all that, the end result is GREAT! I have some words about the chocolate, junkfood thing. Yes, you can't force him to change his eating habits, but he could be more aware of what he eats while around you. Ask him what it's like when someone smokes in front of him?? **HUGS** You know I'm here for you, for whatever you need.
ReplyDeleteLOL, well he is still smoking, so that doesnt help. haha
ReplyDeleteOh Heather, it sounds like you've had such a rough time. I'm sure it'll get better. It'll be worth it in the end!
ReplyDeleteYou lost 5 pounds in 3 days. Just keep telling yourself that. More than a pound a day. Five pounds you won't have to lug around gone in 3 days. You will have a nice chocolate shake soon. Keep it up!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's not just food. If it was "just food" none of us would have eating disorders! Personally I think its unfair of him to buy those things in front of you. No, he doesnt need to change his eating habits but out of respect he could buy them when he's on his own and not rub it in your face!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it Heather...we are all here to love and support you and we are so proud. Keep going. It's hard but it will be SO WORTH IT.
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My mom told me that the liquid phase WILL BE HARD, but the part that gets you through it is stepping on the scale... 5 pounds in 3 days... ENJOY THAT! This is a hard phase but a VERY IMPORTANT one!! If you don't let your band heal correctly, it can sabotage the whole thing! Just try to focus on the positive instead of the negative. No, we can't eat any real food right now, but this is a very small amount of time out of our lives, and if, in the end, we are at a normal weight, isn't it all worth it?
ReplyDeleteOh heather...You can do it!! I just know it. I went through those same feelings myself, thinking about all the things I would never have again, but I know that down the road you willbe able to have those little treats, but everything will be in moderation. You're doing great so far, so keep up the good work and if you ever need someone to talk to or vent, feel free to email me at sjoy@fit.edu
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