The end of one road, the beginning of another.

At 25 years old, I never thought I'd never have to stare death in the face. I've battled my weight my entire life, and after having children, it hasnt gotten any easier.

I currently break the scale at 280lbs. I started my journey toward the LapBand surgery 6 months ago, and due to being put on an anti-depressant, I had gained 7lbs that I struggled so badly to lose. I had started the 6 month doctor supervised diet at 272. Tomorrow will be my very last pre-operative testing I need to go through. The Nutritionist.

I had to write a journal of the foods I ate for the past month, and many times I lied. I'm so ashamed of what goes in my mouth. I'm ashamed at how much I can eat and still not feel full. I look forward to meeting with her, and finding out what I really should be eating and how much. Its so easy yet so unbelievably hard.

For those who know me know how much stress and pressure I am under on a day to day basis, and my comfort is food. The horrible 4 letter word. I stress eat, I eat because I'm bored. I eat, and eat, and eat. Right now, I'm sitting here wondering what I plan to stuff in my face after I'm done writing this.

I hope to be able to keep up with this. I need to do this. I need some kind of unbiased outlet. I get mixed support with this surgery and it seems lately the negative is getting to me more then the positive.

I pray my health insurance will see how much I need this. I have already been told by the surgon if I didnt get back to my "starting weight", they could very well deny me, and I've failed to do so. Oh the irony. I cant lose weight on my own so have been working on getting weight loss surgery, yet they will deny because I cant lose weight? I need prayers, thoughts, good vibes, whatever.

I'll be glad when this month is over. I need to know which way my life is going to go. Shame the insurance company holds my life in their hands....