Stressed

My daughters first holy communion was yesterday. She looked beautiful and did so well, I was very proud. The party was a pretty good success, minus some drama from my SIL, and the food was delicious.

I just wish I would have been able to get rid of all of it. We have almost a half a pound of ziti left, and my favorite, pasta salad. Of course my MIL made like 8 dozen cookies, which, I have eaten about a dozen today. Go stress eating!

As soon as this food is gone out of my house, I'm going back to a liquid diet for a few days. I havent lost in weeks, and I'm starting to feel physically horrible again. I dont think I gave myself enough time for my pouch to get used to the fill, and a lot of times when I eat, it hurts. I know I'm not chewing enough and my bites are still too big.

I cant muster up the energy to get to the gym 5 days a week anymore. I want to so badly, I miss my classes, but I think I'm going back into a depression.

My husbands job is teetering by a thread everyday, and I'm so tired of waking up every morning going "So is today the day"? I hate Verizon, I really do. Thanks big CEO for fucking up everyone's lives.

And last and least (I guess), I have terrible baby fever. Seems like everyone around me is pregnant or TTC, and while I am over the moon for all of my friends, I wish I could just stop my birth control and tell my husband, "Lets do this!", but I know that would be the dumbest thing to do. I still need to lose at least 60 more lbs before I consider getting pregnant. Of course with my husband being laid off soon, getting pregnant is not the smartest idea.

I need to put more faith in God. I feel so hopeless anymore. Of course I will play the victim and wonder why every time we get a leg up it gets kicked out from underneath us. I just wish I had more faith.

First Fill

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!



Of course, I dont pay any attention and was an HOUR late to my appointment. I thought it was at 11:15, turns out it was at 10:15, but they said they would see me so I wouldnt have to re-schedule.



I got in there and got weighed. I lost 11.5 more pounds since my last check up. Yay! So I'm down 25lbs in 6 weeks. They took a little while to get my port, and she actually bent the needle LOL. She tried to explain to me that I already had 3cc's in there, but it wasnt actually in the band, but in the tubing, I wasnt sure what that meant. I had 2.4cc's put in and will get another 2cc's when I go back in May.



Ok, switching gears, I'm watching Dr Phil right now and its only 10 minutes into the show and its INTENSE. Its got thin people vs fat people. This guy was trying to say "We're not fat haters but we hate fat behavior", then rips open and shows his shirt says "No chubbies". (He's some fitness trainer? They have Jillian Michaels on there too). Then the "fat" side went NUTS on him.



I guess my question to all of you is, how do YOU feel about fat people, or being fat, or even thin people? Do you think there should be a law to "protect" obese people from being harassed?



I dont think being fat is anything good by any means, which is why I took the own steps in my life to change. I know people can have the "big is beautiful" attitude, and I used to have it, until I realized how poorly my health was for my age, and realized that I could be dead entirely too soon because of my poor eating habits, my laziness, and my lack of caring.



Ok, I want to finish this show lol. Hope you're all well!

Oh death how you consume me

Yeah I know that title makes no sense. I have the dreaded "viral infection" that is going around and at this rate, I'd rather be dead lol. My head is clogged and I feel like I have razorblades in my throat, I'm also now running a fever. Yippee.

So I've been workin my arse off at the gym, and I really feel a new high being there. I have lost 5lbs just working out (and lost 2 more to being sick), and I feel great. My highest HR went from 182 (yeah, I know, thats like stroke worthy) to about 156. I feel so great working out and I love sweating! I get this new sense of pride and accomplishment when I push myself.

I love spinning, and I do like kickboxing, I just wish I was more coordinated lol. I missed spinning today and didnt work out more then a 1/2 hr yesterday because I'm so sick, but I try to be in the gym 5-6days a week.

I have my first fill Tuesday, and I'm hoping she doesnt look at my weight loss and go, "Well, I dont think you need one", because I really do! I can still eat bread and my portions arent as small as they *should* be.

Onto a new topic, my daughter found the "Easter Bunny" stuff, so now I dont know how to approach that tomorrow morning when she sees the same things from the EB that she saw in the closet. I was hoping to have a few more years of her believing, guess we'll see.

Well Im signing off for now, I feel like crap, Happy Easter everyone!