I'm alive

I've been keeping up with most of you (or, the same 4 people who update lol).

My doctor called yesterday to confirm my fill for Wednesday and I said, "You know what, I was actually going to call you and decline." She goes, "Oh yeah?" I was like, "Yup, I am excited to say that I do not need to see you, even though I'd like to see you to say hi." She laughed. I asked her if she would look up my weight when I was there last and according to her records, I lost 8lbs in 5 weeks (or 3 weeks, since I had 2 weeks of no loss). She said that was wonderful and I'm really on my way. That was great to hear :)

I am 5lbs shy of my Labor Day goal, which was to be a total of 50lbs down (or 227). I am going to really step it up these next weeks so I can get to my goal. From there I want to lose another 30lbs by the end of the year, so I can be under 200lbs when its time to TTC next year. I can do this :)

I really am starting to accept and love the comments people say to me. I am really starting to feel so much better about myself, and I can feel a lot more confidence building up.

Also, here is a before and after picture of my new haircut. I am also loving the comments about how it opens up my face and makes me look even thinner :)

Comparision Pictures

Forgive me, as the first one is 2 years old, but I'm always the one behind the camera. I havent been taking progress pictures, but I really think I should start. Let me know if you see a difference, I see a slight one, but I guess it takes time to get used to :)


This one is from October 2008


This one is from last night, August 2010

Re-prioritizing.

I realized more now then ever, that I need to re-evaluate my life, my family, and my priorities. After coming home from my trip to New York to meet with a good friend of mine and her son, I realized my kids arent getting the attention or focus they deserve or the knowledge of basic things in life, such as manners or social skills.

I am also taking less care of myself. I went from trying to stuff myself stupid to hardly eating at all during the day. I need to get my anxiety, depression, and many other emotions in check. I need to do this for me.

This is probably going to be the last blog from me for a little while. I need to get back to the things that are the most important in life, and things like flipping through blogs or checking people's facebook status's should be at the lowest on my list.

I wont be gone forever, but I need to do this, for myself and my family. I'll be back soon, and hopefully, another 6lbs lighter so I can finally hit my 50lbs mark. :-)

Wish me luck.

I hit it hard!

So.. I did it! I actually went to the gym! I burned 500 calories doing the eliptical and the precor machines. Next time I am going to work on my upper body. My arms are going to need a major workout to get rid of these bingo wings.

I also realized how much my son loves to go to the daycare there, so I have found a preschool for 2 year olds. Its 1 day a week from 8:30-11. I think he'll enjoy being with kids his age. He loves other kids and I feel bad because he really has no one to play with but me, and I can get pretty boring lol. Registration is August 31st, which is also my daughters 2nd day of school, so I'm not quite sure how that'll work out since she has to be at school at 9. I might go Monday morning and register him and get it out of the way, then I can just drop him off Tuesday.

So, I am about 8lbs away from hitting the big 5-0 loss!! 50lbs in 5 months would be so amazing. I am hoping I can achieve the big goal of losing another 40 pounds by the end of the year so we can TTC next February.

Oh, and for those who might be in need of some clothes, I am looking to get rid of my size 20-24 clothes. I have jeans, shirts and sweaters (I know its early to think about those but still). If anyone is interested or knows of someone who would be interested let me know. I want to get rid of these "fat clothes" so badly.

Busy as a bee

Well, I'm doing ok with this fill. I can say there is A LOT more restriction, and I am really trying to "fine tune" my eating because I am trying to eat more and it is causing me to throw up or get a little stuck. I know I'm not overfilled because I can eat things, as long as its in very small portions. So I'm thinking as long as I keep making good choices this may finally be my sweet spot.

My numbers keep bouncing a lot. I am now back at 236.8 but the other day the scale said I was 239, so its frusterating, once I get into the 220's I will be beyond excited, knowing I'll only be 20 some pounds away from Onederland!

I keep telling myself I'm going back to the gym, and here I am, I still havent gone. I need to stop making excuses. I admit I am busy with my daughter and all of her activities, but I told myself while she was at gymnastics on M, T, and Th I would go to the gym while she was there, and yet, I find myself running errands or putzing around at Target (which has taken a big toll on my finances).

So, I say this and I will stand by it, I am going to the gym on Thursday. I'm sure my son will enjoy playing with the kids there too again, since he doesnt see much of anyone but me and my daughter.

Oh, and I had a NSV (yes, I finally know what that means!), I was sitting in traffic this morning and I had my windows down, well this guy yells to me "You are really pretty!". I looked over thinking, "Who is this guy talking to?" and low and behold, he was looking at me. I kind of smiled, blushed and drove away. Guys, my hair was an awful mess and dirty, and I had no make up on. Everyone always says "You really have natural beauty, be happy about it", but I dont see it. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I dont.

I guess I'll end this for now. I'm also thinking of posting a survey or two (I guess you guys call it the BYOC), so those who do read me can get to know me better :) Or, better yet, if there is something you want to know about me, post it, and I'll answer in the next blog

Decision made

I called my doctors office yesterday and lucky for me, they had a cancellation for today at 9am, so of course I took it.

This fill was HORRIBLE though. Granted, the guy was really hot and reminded me of a dark haired version of the guy who plays Alex Carave on Greys, but he really did a number on me. My port is flipped on its side, which is normal and common, so it takes a little bit of "work" to get into it, but this guy actually went through my stomach muscle twice and then went through my scar tissue in which some of it got stuck on the needle and caused blood to get into my saline. After him poking and killing me for about 10 minutes he said he'd get Gina (the PA who I normally prefer doing my fills) to do it.

She came in and re numbed me, and of course as soon soon as she put the needle in a pain shot through my stomach, so she gave me another minute then "went to work". Of course my band wasnt cooperating and a cc decided not to come out, so she was only able to extract about 6.4 cc's. Before this fill there was 7.6. She got all the fluid she could out and put new fluid in and another cc, which would have totaled 8.4, but I drank some of my coffee and felt like there was too much pressure so she took .2 out and left .8 in there.

So after all of the agony and stress, I have 8.2 cc's in my band now. I've been hungry but due to this horrid heat I really dont have any interest in anything (especially since I'm on liquids til Thursday night).

According to their records, I am 6.2lbs down since my last visit on 5.2.10, and 38lbs total. Dont get me wrong, I wont shake a stick at 38lbs but I'm hoping this fill will help me drop another 10+lbs by September 1.

Goals

I seemed to do a lot better with things when I set goals for myself. So here are the my goals I am creating. Granted, they arent anything set in stone since they could either take a little more time or even happen quicker. My first goal I had made for myself I achieved over a month earlier then expected, which was to be in a size 18 by the end of June. I fit into an 18 in the beginning of May.

Goal #1-To be in a comfortable 16 by Sept 1. Weight desired-225lbs

Goal #2-Getting back into my exercise routine of at least 3 days a week in the gym (this does not include classes)

Goal #3-Successfully keep track of my eating habits (good, bad, or indifferent) for at least 30 days straight. (Starting 7/5/10)

Goal #4-Be in a comfortable size 12/14 by Christmas. Weight desired-200lbs (Hello onederland)

Goal #5-Reach or get as close to goal weight of 175lbs by Feb 1st. Once this goal is reached, TTC for baby #3 will comense!

*Side note* I understand that some of these goals seem a little bit "higher set" per say, but I've realized if I dont set the bar higher for myself I will feel like its ok to slack when its not.

Wish me luck!